I don't know what to do anymore, everything comes in on me at such random moments that I feel like I'm being suffocated from the inside out. Everything is starting to get to me at once and I'm not sure I know how to handle it.
I'm always the person to hold things in, work things out, help other people, and jump through the hoops no one else wants to jump through. Today, however, my temper is so short that I can't seem to handle anything that comes my way. I want to strangle people that keep talking over me because I am so tired of letting everyone walk all over me and then have them expect me to do something for them in return. I am so sick and tired of laying over on my back and just letting shit happen. But when I do try to stand up for myself, people get mad at me because they think I am trying to be rude. Everyone expects me to be the nice one that lets them do anything or is always there to help, and I am, but I don't want them taking advantage of it anymore.
I'm so stressed out that I'm not sure how to help myself out of this siuation.
I love my boyfriend, and he s so dear to me, and he is always trying to help. I want to thank him for that because he really is the only person that wants to do anything for ME. I just hope that I can do his efforts justice and stand up for myself in the end.
Showing posts with label college. Show all posts
Showing posts with label college. Show all posts
Monday, February 8, 2010
Thursday, January 14, 2010
Just a Little Advice, Perhaps? (College)
I was wondering if anyone would be up to helping me out some? I have been accepted to Baylor in Waco, Texas and I am applying for next semester. I will be a Fine Arts major and I want to base my classes around graphic design and advertising. I really need to get my basics out of the way first. I already have English I, English II, Governement I, and Macroeconomics. I have yet to get enough money together for my $300 deposit that allows me to begin setting everything up but I will have it in a short amount of time (I hope).
I wanted to know if there was anyone out there that knew anything about Baylor? Little inside tips, such as which teacher to take and which to not take. If anyone knows some little tricks about dorms or anything of that sort, that would be great.
Not to mention the fact that I will be paying for college all on my own. My parents have decided not to help me at all (We will not venture into the subject of my parents right now). Therefor, I want to know if anyone out there might have some information on good scholarships, grants, or even what student loans to use. I will also take some of that lovely cash if anyone will be handing it out soon.......
No?
Oh. Well, then be that way.
Anywho... If there is anyone out there that has ANY kind of information, I would take it gratefully. I'm on my own on this one. My parents won't help with money and they are expecting me to take care of everything on my own with college. I don't know how anything works so could some people just let me in on some things perhaps?
Thank you bunches!
I wanted to know if there was anyone out there that knew anything about Baylor? Little inside tips, such as which teacher to take and which to not take. If anyone knows some little tricks about dorms or anything of that sort, that would be great.
Not to mention the fact that I will be paying for college all on my own. My parents have decided not to help me at all (We will not venture into the subject of my parents right now). Therefor, I want to know if anyone out there might have some information on good scholarships, grants, or even what student loans to use. I will also take some of that lovely cash if anyone will be handing it out soon.......
No?
Oh. Well, then be that way.
Anywho... If there is anyone out there that has ANY kind of information, I would take it gratefully. I'm on my own on this one. My parents won't help with money and they are expecting me to take care of everything on my own with college. I don't know how anything works so could some people just let me in on some things perhaps?
Thank you bunches!
Wednesday, January 13, 2010
Just A Little Side-Note of Boredom
So, I'm sitting in my last period class feeling really lazy because I really don't want to do anything. This class is technically an hour the school gave me to work on my 3 online classes. Does that seem fair? One class period for 3 classes? No. But do I do the work anyway? No. So, really it doesn't matter.
My 2 college courses don't start until NEXT wednesday and so I'm still feeling really not-school-ey this week. Next week I feel like I am going to EXPLODE but for now I'm still relaxing.
Not to mention this week has been a really rough week to handle anyway! My younger brother wrecked my truck on Sunday and yesterday we found out that along side a busted headlight and crumpled corner (at which it still drove) the water pump was broken and leaking antifreeze and water all over the road (at which point it quit driving). Therefor, I now am out a vehicle.
That is actually the extent of the trouble I have gone through... though it has been extremely stressful all its own simply because now I have to hop and skip and hitch rides with other people to get around to all the places I wind up at in a day.
Oh my, also our school decided to invite David Gordon back. He is a sex ed speaker! (For anyone in the west Texas area that has had to sit through one of his seminars, I feel your pain.) I don't mind him so much because he is not shy, he is strait forward, and he isn't oblivious to what goes on in today's society. However, I don't agree with his standpoint on some topics. For instance, he likes to tell 'young ladies' that if we have sex before marriage that it is very unlikely that we will ever find a man that loves us for who we are. What kind of message does that send to the girls in his audience that AREN'T virgins!? What goes through their head at that point is probably along the lines of "I'm not lovable anymore." That. That is what I disagree with.
Oh! There is new gossip in town too! There are two new senior girls in my class that started Monday. (Which was the same day as David Gordon, way to scare the new girls, hmm?) One of them is very sweet and not too shy because though she is 17-18 years old, she is hitting on my younger brother! Which I think is cute. Haha. He is only 16 but I suppose it happens! The REAL gossip is with the other new girl (sorry, no names). She moved here from south Texas. She tells us that she got in a fight with her dad and just left. She now lives here with her boyfriend's parents. Now, that seems odd to begin with, right? It gets better. She met her boyfriend online because he added her on myspace. Now they are intent on getting married in October! They actually are engaged! You want to know the worst part? He's an 18 year old registered sex offender in the penitentiary. He is in for child molestation. He was on parole for a year. Then he violated his parole by getting cought forcong another little child to do things again. The first time it was his little niece. The second time it was the son of a woman I work with. Now it's all wrong isn't it? The next worst part and the question you want to know; YES, his girlfriend KNOWS what he did.
On a lighter note: I tried out this week and got a part in our One Act Play. I'm excited, we are doing Steel Magnolias and I am M'Lyn, the mother. I have a very large, very dramatic role this year. Wish me luck! last year I shared the lead with another girl because our characters were best friends and the play was centered around them. This year, I come in second lead behind the same girl! She will be playing Shelby, the daughter. I can't wait to see it all finished.
Anyway, I have now successfully spent my entire class period typing this post and NOT working on my online classes. Tsk Tsk on myself. Oh well, right? Haha, at least I got all my latest gossip out!
My 2 college courses don't start until NEXT wednesday and so I'm still feeling really not-school-ey this week. Next week I feel like I am going to EXPLODE but for now I'm still relaxing.
Not to mention this week has been a really rough week to handle anyway! My younger brother wrecked my truck on Sunday and yesterday we found out that along side a busted headlight and crumpled corner (at which it still drove) the water pump was broken and leaking antifreeze and water all over the road (at which point it quit driving). Therefor, I now am out a vehicle.
That is actually the extent of the trouble I have gone through... though it has been extremely stressful all its own simply because now I have to hop and skip and hitch rides with other people to get around to all the places I wind up at in a day.
Oh my, also our school decided to invite David Gordon back. He is a sex ed speaker! (For anyone in the west Texas area that has had to sit through one of his seminars, I feel your pain.) I don't mind him so much because he is not shy, he is strait forward, and he isn't oblivious to what goes on in today's society. However, I don't agree with his standpoint on some topics. For instance, he likes to tell 'young ladies' that if we have sex before marriage that it is very unlikely that we will ever find a man that loves us for who we are. What kind of message does that send to the girls in his audience that AREN'T virgins!? What goes through their head at that point is probably along the lines of "I'm not lovable anymore." That. That is what I disagree with.
Oh! There is new gossip in town too! There are two new senior girls in my class that started Monday. (Which was the same day as David Gordon, way to scare the new girls, hmm?) One of them is very sweet and not too shy because though she is 17-18 years old, she is hitting on my younger brother! Which I think is cute. Haha. He is only 16 but I suppose it happens! The REAL gossip is with the other new girl (sorry, no names). She moved here from south Texas. She tells us that she got in a fight with her dad and just left. She now lives here with her boyfriend's parents. Now, that seems odd to begin with, right? It gets better. She met her boyfriend online because he added her on myspace. Now they are intent on getting married in October! They actually are engaged! You want to know the worst part? He's an 18 year old registered sex offender in the penitentiary. He is in for child molestation. He was on parole for a year. Then he violated his parole by getting cought forcong another little child to do things again. The first time it was his little niece. The second time it was the son of a woman I work with. Now it's all wrong isn't it? The next worst part and the question you want to know; YES, his girlfriend KNOWS what he did.
On a lighter note: I tried out this week and got a part in our One Act Play. I'm excited, we are doing Steel Magnolias and I am M'Lyn, the mother. I have a very large, very dramatic role this year. Wish me luck! last year I shared the lead with another girl because our characters were best friends and the play was centered around them. This year, I come in second lead behind the same girl! She will be playing Shelby, the daughter. I can't wait to see it all finished.
Anyway, I have now successfully spent my entire class period typing this post and NOT working on my online classes. Tsk Tsk on myself. Oh well, right? Haha, at least I got all my latest gossip out!
Monday, August 10, 2009
Classroom Samba
Wake up! It's time for your day to begin and everything is crashing onto your head from the sky. My life is in it's fast forward moment and everything is pushing to be in the front of my attention. I am losing my mind and I don't know how to control everthing I am doing. Yet somehow, in the middle of me not knowing how to control it and worrying about everything falling apart, I find that I have somehow managed to make it through this far at least.
I feel that I am a very mature and very adult teenager with more work than I should have to worry about, yet I am still so young and immature. I am locked in a strange place where nothing fits. I am living a college girl's life in highschool. Though I should only expect as much, I have always been about a year or two ahead of everyone in my generation.
I hate that I am always worrying about everthing I have to do. Right now I really don't have too much going on, but it is the thought of everything that worries me most. I have a habbit of piling everything together into one bundle so that I feel more busy than I really am. As though I am torturing myself with scheduals.
The prospect of the next year frightens me and I keep going over it in my head:
Keeping a job with limited time and lack of sleep while attending duel credit college courses during other classes that are going to be difficult. Trying to get into college by piling every possible thing on top of my already obese schedual so that I might seem more appealing. Head of the Annual Staff and running for Class President for second year. The need to build my portfolio so that when I do find a school to go to, I will have something to show of myself. Trying to keep a healthy relationship with my family while also going against their wishes in where I choose to attend college. Keeping up my title as Miss Throckorton and always looking like I just walked out of a fashion-boutique/salon/spa. Not to mention the addition of UIL and other extra activities. Though, I am smart enough to realize that I do not have enough time to participate in any sports. Not only do I have to keep my grades in tip top shape, but I also have to keep enough hours at my low-in job to pay for my truck and my food and my college courses.
When I look at all of this at once and then add all the little stuff in between, I start to freak out and think that I don't have enough hours in a day to keep everything in line.
I need a planner.
Though I feel pressured, I cannot wait for school to start because for some strange reason, i enjoy the pressure of trying to make sure everything runs smoothly. Being the top student in the school and a senior with high priorities, I have to make everything I do look as effortlessly as slurping jello.
I feel that I am a very mature and very adult teenager with more work than I should have to worry about, yet I am still so young and immature. I am locked in a strange place where nothing fits. I am living a college girl's life in highschool. Though I should only expect as much, I have always been about a year or two ahead of everyone in my generation.
I hate that I am always worrying about everthing I have to do. Right now I really don't have too much going on, but it is the thought of everything that worries me most. I have a habbit of piling everything together into one bundle so that I feel more busy than I really am. As though I am torturing myself with scheduals.
The prospect of the next year frightens me and I keep going over it in my head:
Keeping a job with limited time and lack of sleep while attending duel credit college courses during other classes that are going to be difficult. Trying to get into college by piling every possible thing on top of my already obese schedual so that I might seem more appealing. Head of the Annual Staff and running for Class President for second year. The need to build my portfolio so that when I do find a school to go to, I will have something to show of myself. Trying to keep a healthy relationship with my family while also going against their wishes in where I choose to attend college. Keeping up my title as Miss Throckorton and always looking like I just walked out of a fashion-boutique/salon/spa. Not to mention the addition of UIL and other extra activities. Though, I am smart enough to realize that I do not have enough time to participate in any sports. Not only do I have to keep my grades in tip top shape, but I also have to keep enough hours at my low-in job to pay for my truck and my food and my college courses.
When I look at all of this at once and then add all the little stuff in between, I start to freak out and think that I don't have enough hours in a day to keep everything in line.
I need a planner.
Though I feel pressured, I cannot wait for school to start because for some strange reason, i enjoy the pressure of trying to make sure everything runs smoothly. Being the top student in the school and a senior with high priorities, I have to make everything I do look as effortlessly as slurping jello.
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