Head Space (Meditation)

I recently (as in about an hour ago) discovered the effects of a successful meditation. I'm not talking about religious meditation or anything spooky with floating candles or deep emotional revelations. Satisfactions reveal themselves in simpler and smaller packages. I had to create a method of meditation suited for me based upon what I have read about other meditators and their experiences.
Stripping my comforter to the back of my bed over my pillows was only the first step. I covered everything with my top sheet creating a grey surface for me to connect to. I had my large bed flat with it's grey sheet and a large inviting mass against the footboard covered in the other grey sheet. Grey is my color because of my natural artistic eye, grey naturally calms me. Grey is the most nuetral I can get next to pure white. However, grey is a smoother color, a little more loving to me, a little less hospital sheet-ish. Music poured from my laptop to my headphones to sooth my racing mind. I chose melodies with gentle percussion and complex and playful lyrics. Strictly instrumental would have left me dead. My legs crossed and my back straitened so that I could feel as whole as possible. I focused my attention on the point of symmetry on my headboard. I slowed my breathing and deepened each breath. I let my eyes focus on the point as my mind concentrated on my breathing until I felt I was completely in control of my body.

I closed my eyes slowly and simultaniously with a smooth intake of breath. I kept my concentration on my breathing, trying to create and maintain a rhythm while I shifted my focus from the point on the bed to the weightlessness of my body. Particularly the points at the balls of my shoulders. I felt my body lose pull and shifted my center of gravity upward. I kept my focus on my wheitlessness until I had lost all feeling of attachment to my body completely. I concentrated on my breathing for a while longer and reveled in my moment of floating unimbodied for just a few seconds before turning my attention elsewhere.

I imagined I was in a space. An empty space, void of anything solid. No walls, no furniture, no anything. My body, the sound of the music with no source, and the nothing was all that I had. Colors changed with the movement of the music. Slowly I shifted my empty space into a personal location. I tried and island at first, with short grass and sandy beaches. Water makes me uncomfortable so I extened the land and let the grass grow tall until I had a field made in various shades of dancing yellows, greens, browns, limes, and greys. I felt the warmth of a fire and looked to see a large sun beaming overhead. My element is earth and I have a warm personality so it only makes sense that my closest second element would be fire. Once I had my location created I just lay in it, memorizing it. I memorized the feel of the sun on my skin, the smell of the grass in my face and against the back of my head as I let it mingle with my hair spread out around me on the ground. I soaked in the every detail of each individual blade of grass tall and slinder and graceful as a trained dancer. I remained in my feild until I felt I was 'done'. I could tell because I was slowly becoming more aware of physical things that were not in my imagination. I finally let go of my image and took one deep breath. I opened my eyes as slow as possible in time with the release of my last breath taken in my field.

My vision was slightly blurry and I felt light and then suddenly everything came into a sharp and harsh focus while the full weight of my body made itself known again. I am back in the real world but I feel calmer and cleaner with the memory of my field.

I'm going to visit my field again tomorrow when I wake up. I feel it will be a great way to start my day.

If anyone has any suggestions to help me meditate more successfully then I am open to change. Just please remember that I am aiming to use meditation as a temporary escape into a clearer part of my mind, not a way to get deeper thoughts on the problems I already have. Deeper thoughts is the problem I am trying to escape with this. Perhaps after I get used to meditaion and the calm I feel then I can use it to help me solve problems in a more rational way or to keep me stable every day. I feel like it's a great way to, for lack of a better way to say it, detox my mind.

Classroom Samba

Wake up! It's time for your day to begin and everything is crashing onto your head from the sky. My life is in it's fast forward moment and everything is pushing to be in the front of my attention. I am losing my mind and I don't know how to control everthing I am doing. Yet somehow, in the middle of me not knowing how to control it and worrying about everything falling apart, I find that I have somehow managed to make it through this far at least.

I feel that I am a very mature and very adult teenager with more work than I should have to worry about, yet I am still so young and immature. I am locked in a strange place where nothing fits. I am living a college girl's life in highschool. Though I should only expect as much, I have always been about a year or two ahead of everyone in my generation.

I hate that I am always worrying about everthing I have to do. Right now I really don't have too much going on, but it is the thought of everything that worries me most. I have a habbit of piling everything together into one bundle so that I feel more busy than I really am. As though I am torturing myself with scheduals.

The prospect of the next year frightens me and I keep going over it in my head:

Keeping a job with limited time and lack of sleep while attending duel credit college courses during other classes that are going to be difficult. Trying to get into college by piling every possible thing on top of my already obese schedual so that I might seem more appealing. Head of the Annual Staff and running for Class President for second year. The need to build my portfolio so that when I do find a school to go to, I will have something to show of myself. Trying to keep a healthy relationship with my family while also going against their wishes in where I choose to attend college. Keeping up my title as Miss Throckorton and always looking like I just walked out of a fashion-boutique/salon/spa. Not to mention the addition of UIL and other extra activities. Though, I am smart enough to realize that I do not have enough time to participate in any sports. Not only do I have to keep my grades in tip top shape, but I also have to keep enough hours at my low-in job to pay for my truck and my food and my college courses.

When I look at all of this at once and then add all the little stuff in between, I start to freak out and think that I don't have enough hours in a day to keep everything in line.

I need a planner.

Though I feel pressured, I cannot wait for school to start because for some strange reason, i enjoy the pressure of trying to make sure everything runs smoothly. Being the top student in the school and a senior with high priorities, I have to make everything I do look as effortlessly as slurping jello.

Quick! Catch that Sale!

August 9th, 2009; it has been so long since I left a post online! I feel like I have neglected any readers I might have! Do I see any hands coming up? No? Oh well, that's fine.

Anywho, on with what I am wanting to post.
I have decided to give up on looking a certain way everyday. I have tried so many different times to look like the 'punk girl' or the 'boho girl' or the 'fashionable girl' and I just got so tired of trying to be one of those everyday. So I have come to the conclusion that I will wear whatever mood I am in when I wake up. Whether that be black eyeliner and chains or a ruffled blouse with curls and pink flowers.






























I simply love that last one.


I am one of the unfortunate that live in a far-away little town in the middle of nowhere. I have limited shopping options as well as a fashionably cripple society. How do I keep up my style and sense of adventure? Don't look now! It's smart shopping!
Everyone knows that the smart way to shop is on sales racks and clearance shelves but nobody wants to wear last season's fashion, right? That's what I thought. However, there is a way to take those clothes and make them work for any time of year. Take the sales at the end of summer where everyone is trying to make room for the winter line. A simple tip for your summer sales racks is to look for more nuetral colors or faded tones that compliment the cold of the season and layer peices over one another or even over a splurged winter peice for a nice transitional look. The classic cozy look of a thin-knit long sleeve tee is updated with a neutral button-down and a pair of destroyed fade-wash jeans. add a pair of last year's ugg boots with some cute tall socks and a simple leather belt and some neutral/natural jewlry in woods and natural stones create a classicly updated look that appears laid back without being sloppy.

Another tip that everyone should know is do not be afraid to wear something feirce or last season if you feel that you can make it look good. Clothes are meant to be worn by you, not you worn by them. No matter if you feel it's too modern, too old, last season's, or too cheap; in the end, clothes are clothes and if it looks good then wear it!

I shop in places everywhere from the $5 rack in Target, to my grandmother's closet, to Versace online. There are great peices to be found anywhere, you just have to know how to wear them.