A Hard Week

I don't know where to begin on this one. This week has been a week of ups and downs as my boyfriend said last  night. For the both of us, really. We have gone through some really happy moments together and we have recieved some hard news together as well. All of this and we are three and a half hours away from each other.

I don't even know how to say what it is that's bothering me because I have spent eighteen years learning how to sheild myself from other people. I know this blog is to help me let things out but I still have trouble loosening my ties.

First bad news we recieved is that when my boyfriend comes to visit tonight, he will be staying at his aunt's house an hour away rather than with us because my mom is afraid that my younger brother will tell miy dad that she let my boyfriend stay in the house with us. To me, this is rediculous. I don't understand what is wrong with a guy and a girl, no matter their relation, staying in the same house. Staying in the same room is not appropriate (though I would love that) and I can understand a parent's view on that but the same house!? I don't see what's wrong with that.

The second bad news we had to handle was the decision we made together to not move in together when I turn 18. We origionally had planned to get me out of my father's house as soon as I was legally old enough to leave because of the treatment I recieve there. However, many of the people in the town that I live in have it in their heads that the only reason I am moving out is to be with my boyfriend. Because this is the view of most people, my decision has changed. I've lived with the treatment for my whole life, I suppose I ccan stand to wait 5 more months until I graduate. I know it is the more responsible thing to do but I really think that my mental, emotional, and physical health are things I am responsible for as well.

The third news we had to conquere was the possibility that my boyfriend might not get to come see me for the weekend of New Year's and my 18th birthday dinner. He has one last payment to make on a hot check from a few years ago and the gas from our hometown to my mom's house is really expensive. The money he made working hasn't been enough to cover both the payment and the trip. His parents have agreed to help him for now but he has to pay them back. I think that is perfectly understandable.

Next, on the same day that he and his parents got in that argument, he discovered our puppy dying in his back yard. That experience has been traumatizing for the both of us on a deeper level than either of us expected.

After all of our problems got sewed together just enough that we could still look forward to seeing each other tonight, I found out that I might not get to see him fro my New Year's kiss. My family has a tradition of going to see the Dallas Stars New Year's Eve game and we have only ever stayed to watch the fireworks once. However, tonight, my mom might want to stay and if she does, then I won't be able to see my boyfriend.

I know I sound a lot like a whining little kid pining for my boyfriend like this but we have both had a very hard year and it means so much to the both of us to start this new year together. We want to be together the moment the new year begins. This is our chance to make everything better and we don't want to miss the signifigance of that sealing moment. I know that the actual moment the year begins has no effect on how the year plays out but we want to have that memory to cherish together.

Throughout all of this we have had moments where we have been completely happy talking to one another over the phone. Simply enjoying talking to a person that you know so well. We have had fun talking about our little inside jokes.

I have hated this entire week. The worst news I recieved was that my baby little puppy died. I miss my baby Belle so much and I don't even know what to do. I'm so far away. I wasn't there to see her one last time. I wasn't there to pet her and make her comfortable. I just want to see my baby again.

I just want this next year to come out better.