Relished

Sometimes I just want you to take my side.
I want to know that maybe, just maybe, you understand me that I am not always rational and correct, but I try my hardest. I want to be able to cry in front of you, let you see me vulnerable, let you listen to my irrational fears and angers without your judgment. I don't judge you, why can't you offer the same sentiments? I want you to be the one that I talk to when I have a problem or I don't feel well, but can you handle that? Can you not patronize me and make my situation worse? Can you retain from injuring my spirits more? I have never had anyone to talk to that doesn’t try to make me feel inferior and ignorant. I thought that perhaps you would be different. Instead, you take my reaction to the situation, and laugh at me. You mock my actions and scald my morals. I thought you loved me. But if you love me, wouldn't you care more about how you made me feel? I realize that I am most likely wrong, but I just want you to listen and sooth. I know already that my actions were irrational and unnecessary, I know already that I was wrong and that I created an unnecessary problem for myself. I am already fully aware of this, but it doesn't mean that I don't want to tell someone my side. It doesn't mean that I don't want the chance to be heard, the idea that someone might care enough to want to know how I felt about something. I thought that I might have found that person in you, but where has that gone? When will you understand that I am still only a girl, and though I act strong, I still have the same emotions as other girls. I still have the same needs, needs to feel protected, held, understood, loved. Though I suppose that I am not meant to feel that just yet. Maybe you aren’t the one that I thought you were supposed to be.