Just a Moment

There is a boy named Sam, I go to school with him. Boy I say, when I should say 'was a boy', now a man. He is a senior this year, I a junior. One years' separation. I remember a time, not too long ago, when I thought that I might like him; in a more-than-friends way. I remember thinking that he might be a wonderfully amazing person under all his covers and mysteries. I remember thinking that he really was beautiful and wondering what his body might be like. I remember pining after him in that annoying school-girl way that we all do at some point.

For weeks I watched him, trying to give him subtle hints. I started texting him, trying to get on his friend-side; I talked to him a little more in the halls. I tried to smile in a shy-coy-cute-bashful-sexy way that we girls so easily learn to use against the boys we seek. I tried to be the different girl from what he was used to, but I wanted to be what he thought he needed.

He told me he liked girls with high energy levels just because it seemed to balance out his mellow charm.

I already had hype, I had everything he needed, I just needed to play it to his tune, on his time, with his life.

I dressed to catch his attention so he would notice me in the mornings and when I walked by. Once I was noticed and being watched, I would smile and be friendly towards everyone, laugh extra sweet at jokes and jostles, would move my body while teasing other classmates, making sure to flaunt my small but perky breasts, my sleek build, my toned stomach, my long legs, and my cute bum. I wanted to flaunt my physical traits while charming with my personality. I played extra bashful in the classroom when in my best classes when he came in. Though I played bashful, I tried extra hard and tried subtle ways to get noticed for my mind without looking like I wanted to be noticed.

I wanted him to think I was humble but comfortable, bold and kind, sweet but strong, silly but mature, creative but intelligent. I wanted to be the perfect girl for him. I thought I could do it, too.

I jumped at the opportunity to talk to him when, at the time when I was searching for a vehicle, his truck came up for sale. I would ask questions about things like the muffler, the mpg, the interior lights, and many things about the engine that I had picked up on. I wanted to be the cool girl that was a girl but was also tough. I was ecstatic when he sold me the truck, all the more reason to talk to him!

We were in One Act Play together and I would help create inside jokes with him for the opportunity to bring them up in school the next day.

I talked to him every time he came into where I worked and did my best to flirt in a coy way that caught his attention.

Once he came in and gave me to remote to the radio in my, once his, truck. I took the device then held my hand high for a 'high five' while saying "Thank you so much, I am so grateful, I have needed a decent ride to get around in!" All smiles as his hand hit mine, I continued to look him in the eye, seemingly focused and not paying attention to my hands, which I had deliberately used my improvised time to lace my fingers in his. He held there for a moment as I talked and when he left, I felt I had accomplished a massive step forward.

The next day I discovered that he had gotten back together with his ex the day before.

Funny how things happen isn't it?