I don't know what to do anymore, everything comes in on me at such random moments that I feel like I'm being suffocated from the inside out. Everything is starting to get to me at once and I'm not sure I know how to handle it.
I'm always the person to hold things in, work things out, help other people, and jump through the hoops no one else wants to jump through. Today, however, my temper is so short that I can't seem to handle anything that comes my way. I want to strangle people that keep talking over me because I am so tired of letting everyone walk all over me and then have them expect me to do something for them in return. I am so sick and tired of laying over on my back and just letting shit happen. But when I do try to stand up for myself, people get mad at me because they think I am trying to be rude. Everyone expects me to be the nice one that lets them do anything or is always there to help, and I am, but I don't want them taking advantage of it anymore.
I'm so stressed out that I'm not sure how to help myself out of this siuation.
I love my boyfriend, and he s so dear to me, and he is always trying to help. I want to thank him for that because he really is the only person that wants to do anything for ME. I just hope that I can do his efforts justice and stand up for myself in the end.
Monday, February 8, 2010
Saturday, February 6, 2010
My FairyTale
Never before have I felt this way. Every morning I am waking up with the sole wish to see his eyes. Every night I sleep, dreaming of a day that we will fall asleep together. Each moment of each day is brighter and more colorful because I know him. I feel amazed that this wonderful man has stayed with me through everything we have gone through together. I can't believe that he has put forth the effort to learn about who I really am, the part of me that I don't show other people. He has taken the time to get close to me and has become my best friend in the whole world. I can't think of any other person I would want to share something with first. All of my dreams are like a movie that I can't wait to come true. I keep seeing us together through all sorts of things. I dream of the day that I get to tell him that I'm pregnant withour first child. I dream of the day that he kneals in front of me and I accept him as my husband. I love this man more than I have ever loved, or expected to love someone.
I can't wait for all of our dreams to come true.
My love has the most beautiful hazle eyes that I hope our children get.
He is really tall withstrong arms and a gentle heart.
He is the most amazing friend anyone has ever had and I am lucky to call him my best friend and love. He loves me and every day I wonder why. I pray that he continues to love me forever as I will him.
I love you, Thomas David Shawver III.
forever and always.
I can't wait for all of our dreams to come true.
My love has the most beautiful hazle eyes that I hope our children get.
He is really tall withstrong arms and a gentle heart.
He is the most amazing friend anyone has ever had and I am lucky to call him my best friend and love. He loves me and every day I wonder why. I pray that he continues to love me forever as I will him.
I love you, Thomas David Shawver III.
forever and always.
Wednesday, February 3, 2010
Get Out There!
Can anyone out there help me? I see other blogs with so many followers and I wonder, “How do they get noticed?” Can anyone tell me this: am I missing something? Is there a place where I can go to ‘put my blog out there’? Or is it simply the matter of people running across it while looking at others’ followed blogs? I’m so confused on that.
Thank you for your help! =)
Thank you for your help! =)
Thursday, January 14, 2010
Just a Little Advice, Perhaps? (College)
I was wondering if anyone would be up to helping me out some? I have been accepted to Baylor in Waco, Texas and I am applying for next semester. I will be a Fine Arts major and I want to base my classes around graphic design and advertising. I really need to get my basics out of the way first. I already have English I, English II, Governement I, and Macroeconomics. I have yet to get enough money together for my $300 deposit that allows me to begin setting everything up but I will have it in a short amount of time (I hope).
I wanted to know if there was anyone out there that knew anything about Baylor? Little inside tips, such as which teacher to take and which to not take. If anyone knows some little tricks about dorms or anything of that sort, that would be great.
Not to mention the fact that I will be paying for college all on my own. My parents have decided not to help me at all (We will not venture into the subject of my parents right now). Therefor, I want to know if anyone out there might have some information on good scholarships, grants, or even what student loans to use. I will also take some of that lovely cash if anyone will be handing it out soon.......
No?
Oh. Well, then be that way.
Anywho... If there is anyone out there that has ANY kind of information, I would take it gratefully. I'm on my own on this one. My parents won't help with money and they are expecting me to take care of everything on my own with college. I don't know how anything works so could some people just let me in on some things perhaps?
Thank you bunches!
I wanted to know if there was anyone out there that knew anything about Baylor? Little inside tips, such as which teacher to take and which to not take. If anyone knows some little tricks about dorms or anything of that sort, that would be great.
Not to mention the fact that I will be paying for college all on my own. My parents have decided not to help me at all (We will not venture into the subject of my parents right now). Therefor, I want to know if anyone out there might have some information on good scholarships, grants, or even what student loans to use. I will also take some of that lovely cash if anyone will be handing it out soon.......
No?
Oh. Well, then be that way.
Anywho... If there is anyone out there that has ANY kind of information, I would take it gratefully. I'm on my own on this one. My parents won't help with money and they are expecting me to take care of everything on my own with college. I don't know how anything works so could some people just let me in on some things perhaps?
Thank you bunches!
Wednesday, January 13, 2010
Just A Little Side-Note of Boredom
So, I'm sitting in my last period class feeling really lazy because I really don't want to do anything. This class is technically an hour the school gave me to work on my 3 online classes. Does that seem fair? One class period for 3 classes? No. But do I do the work anyway? No. So, really it doesn't matter.
My 2 college courses don't start until NEXT wednesday and so I'm still feeling really not-school-ey this week. Next week I feel like I am going to EXPLODE but for now I'm still relaxing.
Not to mention this week has been a really rough week to handle anyway! My younger brother wrecked my truck on Sunday and yesterday we found out that along side a busted headlight and crumpled corner (at which it still drove) the water pump was broken and leaking antifreeze and water all over the road (at which point it quit driving). Therefor, I now am out a vehicle.
That is actually the extent of the trouble I have gone through... though it has been extremely stressful all its own simply because now I have to hop and skip and hitch rides with other people to get around to all the places I wind up at in a day.
Oh my, also our school decided to invite David Gordon back. He is a sex ed speaker! (For anyone in the west Texas area that has had to sit through one of his seminars, I feel your pain.) I don't mind him so much because he is not shy, he is strait forward, and he isn't oblivious to what goes on in today's society. However, I don't agree with his standpoint on some topics. For instance, he likes to tell 'young ladies' that if we have sex before marriage that it is very unlikely that we will ever find a man that loves us for who we are. What kind of message does that send to the girls in his audience that AREN'T virgins!? What goes through their head at that point is probably along the lines of "I'm not lovable anymore." That. That is what I disagree with.
Oh! There is new gossip in town too! There are two new senior girls in my class that started Monday. (Which was the same day as David Gordon, way to scare the new girls, hmm?) One of them is very sweet and not too shy because though she is 17-18 years old, she is hitting on my younger brother! Which I think is cute. Haha. He is only 16 but I suppose it happens! The REAL gossip is with the other new girl (sorry, no names). She moved here from south Texas. She tells us that she got in a fight with her dad and just left. She now lives here with her boyfriend's parents. Now, that seems odd to begin with, right? It gets better. She met her boyfriend online because he added her on myspace. Now they are intent on getting married in October! They actually are engaged! You want to know the worst part? He's an 18 year old registered sex offender in the penitentiary. He is in for child molestation. He was on parole for a year. Then he violated his parole by getting cought forcong another little child to do things again. The first time it was his little niece. The second time it was the son of a woman I work with. Now it's all wrong isn't it? The next worst part and the question you want to know; YES, his girlfriend KNOWS what he did.
On a lighter note: I tried out this week and got a part in our One Act Play. I'm excited, we are doing Steel Magnolias and I am M'Lyn, the mother. I have a very large, very dramatic role this year. Wish me luck! last year I shared the lead with another girl because our characters were best friends and the play was centered around them. This year, I come in second lead behind the same girl! She will be playing Shelby, the daughter. I can't wait to see it all finished.
Anyway, I have now successfully spent my entire class period typing this post and NOT working on my online classes. Tsk Tsk on myself. Oh well, right? Haha, at least I got all my latest gossip out!
My 2 college courses don't start until NEXT wednesday and so I'm still feeling really not-school-ey this week. Next week I feel like I am going to EXPLODE but for now I'm still relaxing.
Not to mention this week has been a really rough week to handle anyway! My younger brother wrecked my truck on Sunday and yesterday we found out that along side a busted headlight and crumpled corner (at which it still drove) the water pump was broken and leaking antifreeze and water all over the road (at which point it quit driving). Therefor, I now am out a vehicle.
That is actually the extent of the trouble I have gone through... though it has been extremely stressful all its own simply because now I have to hop and skip and hitch rides with other people to get around to all the places I wind up at in a day.
Oh my, also our school decided to invite David Gordon back. He is a sex ed speaker! (For anyone in the west Texas area that has had to sit through one of his seminars, I feel your pain.) I don't mind him so much because he is not shy, he is strait forward, and he isn't oblivious to what goes on in today's society. However, I don't agree with his standpoint on some topics. For instance, he likes to tell 'young ladies' that if we have sex before marriage that it is very unlikely that we will ever find a man that loves us for who we are. What kind of message does that send to the girls in his audience that AREN'T virgins!? What goes through their head at that point is probably along the lines of "I'm not lovable anymore." That. That is what I disagree with.
Oh! There is new gossip in town too! There are two new senior girls in my class that started Monday. (Which was the same day as David Gordon, way to scare the new girls, hmm?) One of them is very sweet and not too shy because though she is 17-18 years old, she is hitting on my younger brother! Which I think is cute. Haha. He is only 16 but I suppose it happens! The REAL gossip is with the other new girl (sorry, no names). She moved here from south Texas. She tells us that she got in a fight with her dad and just left. She now lives here with her boyfriend's parents. Now, that seems odd to begin with, right? It gets better. She met her boyfriend online because he added her on myspace. Now they are intent on getting married in October! They actually are engaged! You want to know the worst part? He's an 18 year old registered sex offender in the penitentiary. He is in for child molestation. He was on parole for a year. Then he violated his parole by getting cought forcong another little child to do things again. The first time it was his little niece. The second time it was the son of a woman I work with. Now it's all wrong isn't it? The next worst part and the question you want to know; YES, his girlfriend KNOWS what he did.
On a lighter note: I tried out this week and got a part in our One Act Play. I'm excited, we are doing Steel Magnolias and I am M'Lyn, the mother. I have a very large, very dramatic role this year. Wish me luck! last year I shared the lead with another girl because our characters were best friends and the play was centered around them. This year, I come in second lead behind the same girl! She will be playing Shelby, the daughter. I can't wait to see it all finished.
Anyway, I have now successfully spent my entire class period typing this post and NOT working on my online classes. Tsk Tsk on myself. Oh well, right? Haha, at least I got all my latest gossip out!
Friday, January 1, 2010
The New Morning
Happy New Year everybody!
My New Year's Eve started with a trip to the American Airlines Center to watch the Big D NYE Dallas Stars hockey game.We won, of course. The game was close for the first period but by the second and third we were kicking some major Duck ass! The final score was 5:3 and the stadium was in an amazing uproar of total satisfaction.
After the game ended, we chose not to stay for the live performance because of the cold, wet weather. However, we went strait to our house where....
My boyfriend was sitting outside!
Woot!
We all went inside the house together and relaxed in the warmth. We watched my younger brother play Oblivion and waited for the final countdown of the year. Only 2 minutes before the New Year, we switched the TV onto the Dallas after game party.
We watched the final countdown, had our New Year's kisses (except my brother, I think I caught him making googley eyes at the dog out of the corner of my vision though) (haha) and then we settled back to watch the fireworks.
At my mom's house, since we can't be here for Christmas every year, we celebrate Christmas Eve on New Year's Eve and Christmas Day on New Year's Day. Therefor, this morning when I woke up, we made our way into the livingroom where my step dad was cooking breakfast for us all. My Grandma came over and we all ate together. Next, we all sat down to open presents together. About an hour later, my boyfriend showed back up and got to meet my grandma.
Now we are all sitting together, waiting on our friends Jim&Steve (We always say their names as one person, and I am not sure why...) so we can all eat lunch together.
Have a wonderful 2010 everyone!
My New Year's Eve started with a trip to the American Airlines Center to watch the Big D NYE Dallas Stars hockey game.We won, of course. The game was close for the first period but by the second and third we were kicking some major Duck ass! The final score was 5:3 and the stadium was in an amazing uproar of total satisfaction.
After the game ended, we chose not to stay for the live performance because of the cold, wet weather. However, we went strait to our house where....
My boyfriend was sitting outside!
Woot!
We all went inside the house together and relaxed in the warmth. We watched my younger brother play Oblivion and waited for the final countdown of the year. Only 2 minutes before the New Year, we switched the TV onto the Dallas after game party.
We watched the final countdown, had our New Year's kisses (except my brother, I think I caught him making googley eyes at the dog out of the corner of my vision though) (haha) and then we settled back to watch the fireworks.
At my mom's house, since we can't be here for Christmas every year, we celebrate Christmas Eve on New Year's Eve and Christmas Day on New Year's Day. Therefor, this morning when I woke up, we made our way into the livingroom where my step dad was cooking breakfast for us all. My Grandma came over and we all ate together. Next, we all sat down to open presents together. About an hour later, my boyfriend showed back up and got to meet my grandma.
Now we are all sitting together, waiting on our friends Jim&Steve (We always say their names as one person, and I am not sure why...) so we can all eat lunch together.
Have a wonderful 2010 everyone!
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